My entry today is a letter of gratitude to the owner of the Lamai Chalet Resort in Koh Samui
Dearest Pumpui , (his nickname translates quite aptly to “Fatty”- we have some more suggestions for nicknames should he ever want a new one)
I really felt as though I never really expressed my gratitude following our stay in the Lamai Chalet Resort. The charming beach huts, fully equipped with beds (admittedly, one was a mattress on the floor) and a functioning bathroom.We really were thrilled to see that you were kind enough to supply us with a roof as well
The kind advice of your colleague to walk alongside a dual carriage to get the quintessentially whorish resort of Lamai was most appreciated. Having to jump onto walls and lampposts every time an overweight westerner swoops round the corner on a moped is exactly the kind of adrenaline boosting activity we had been hoping for.
“Located near the Hin Yai Grandfather stone and five minutes to walk into the centre of Lamai, on an wide golden sand Beach. Enjoy the idyllic Panorama and swimming is recommended here as well ! Pumpui Manager of Lamai Chalet will help You for any You need.Holiday begins here without trouble !”
Now that wide, golden sand beach- well it was stunning, with the dirty syringes and sewage outlet pipes and the warm aroma of eau de toilet it was more than we had expected. When I go on a beach holiday I love the thrill of a riptide in the sea, it really is ideal for drowning (which after the first night in our cabin I did try) your worries (had you not been quite so rotund we would have tried gently encouraging you in for a dip). I thought it was a novel idea to decorate the area around the hammock with empty whisky bottles, the light bouncing off the glass really does enhance an all-round tan, genius!
Just when we thought it could not get any better we notice the little extras that you so kindly added to our room, they really did give us a more comfortable night sleep. We just wondered what they were, with two heads and a strong desire to sleep in a bed, we could not identify the little creatures. Initially we were concerned about these unidentifiable insects all over our bed (these were in addition to the black jumping bugs) but we knew that you would be sure to take care of the situation, with yourself being such a fine representation for the Lamai ex-pat population. We were pleased that you could reassure us “ I don’t know what they are, but they won’t hurt you”. What a relief! They won’t hurt us, whatever they may be. And what’s that you say? Ah yes you will get someone to clean the room! Brilliant.
Do thank the maids for cleaning our room, we were relieved that when we returned later in the day the insects had rallied their friends for a slumber party on our beds. I may sound like a selfish prude but I don’t care whether these bugs have teeth of cheese or teeth of a piranha I DO NOT WANT THEM IN MY BED! We are still bewildered as to what they are, so I have posted a photo below for you keen insectologists to study.
I am just glad that you were there to solve any problems. Like when my friend asked about changing our transport to a train or plane and you confidently reassured us that we would be going on one VIP bus to Bangkok and that it would be safe and efficient. Two buses, a minibus and a boat later and we arrived in Bangkok more-or-less in one piece. We arrived but some of our possessions did not. We would like you to pass on our gratitude to the diligent coach drivers who went above and beyond the call of duty by working throughout the night in the cramped conditions of the luggage compartment to rummage through our bags. I hope he enjoyed searching through the bag full of sanitary items to find my debit card, and he enjoyed spending the 60,000 Thai Baht (£1500) even more. Consider it a little gift from me to him. From the three of us I do hope he makes good use of the credit card, debit card, bag, jumper,belt and knickers which were so thoughtfully removed from our locked luggage.
We really ought to have known better when the Lonely Planet guide suggests the Tesco Lotus as the best place for food in Lamai- a perfect indication of the class of resort we found ourselves in.
Thank goodness for the cultural highlights that Lamai has to offer, the Grandfather rock provided us with the only memorable experience which we had to share with our family. And even that, a natural rock formation, is not really appropriate for family viewing.
We cannot thankyou enough for our unforgettable stay, one which we have relayed the tales of to all our friends and family. We will be sure to make an accurate and true review to add to the many others on Trip Adviser.
Kind Regards,
The English Girls.
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